Life is a joke

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

One of the strangest things in Life is the fact that so many people take Life for granted. I mean, the fact that I exist and that there is a world out there (or at least seems to be), is something that is a constant splinter in my mind. I can find no peace of mind in any of the answers that are given in science, religion or whatever. To my experience the Oneness of everything is obvious, and Life has all the qualities of a Dream of some sort. But that is a description, not an explanation. And it is an description that is not shared by many people too, unfortunately.
Apart from this utter mystery, Life offers many minor mysteries. Like for example finding objects that seem to have been made specially for me and the occasion. This is hard to explain, especially in a language that is not the language of my thoughts. But everybody who is a collector will recognise what I mean: you do finds that give you the feeling that it is all organised. That we are living in a Truman Show.
The problem with talking about these finds, or with synchronicities of any other kind, is that they mean little to nothing to other people. But I am a Fool, so I will give it a try anyway.
Years ago I was going through a rather serious Truman Show phase. It felt reality could break down any moment, and nothing seemed really real, if you know what I mean. As if the Veil-of-Life could be lifted any minute. In a state of mind like this many strange things happen. But that is because every thing is strange; it only takes enough sensitivity to notice that. And it also takes more self control than I had back then, not imagining relations that are not really there.
Anyway, I found a lot of great records and books in that period, in ways and in places that I felt to be extremely weird. But also the finds themselves where weird. Like finding a bunch of collectors items in boxes that everybody had already gone through, for prices so low that it made me feel I was on candid camera.
I also bought cassette tapes whenever I would stumble upon something interesting. I was surprised how many interesting tapes I found without much effort. (More about that later!) One day I saw a cassette in an empty box on a flea market that somehow attracted my attention. You know that feeling: as if the object is sending out messages that only you can hear.
On the tape was only a name written: Jimmy de Sana. He had recorded the instruments, which sound more like toys, on one channel, and his voice on the other channel. The song is about what was on my mind all the time in that period: Life is a joke. I still get the creeps when I listen to this song, especially the line “we must decide when to die”, because it makes me think that maybe Jimmy de Sana has committed suicide and made this cassette as a farewell message, which I had picked up before I even played it.

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(To make this story even more foolish than it already is, I cannot show you the tape. I have no idea where it is. The recording comes from a minidisc that I made of it.)

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