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Ego

Monday, 23 June 2008

For the larger part of my life I have tried to make things happen. Especially in my work, I tried to achieve certain things and to avoid others. One day it began to dawn upon me that this didn’t work, and I decided to try and find out how my life would be if I did no longer try to control it.
One aspect of this new approach was that I tried no longer to say no to whatever is asked me, unless it was physically impossible. In the past there were many things that I refused to do, either because I thought that I didn’t like them or because I thought that I couldn’t do them. In the past few years I have demonstrated that I don’t know myself and that I have no realistic idea about whatever Life offers me either. I have done many jobs that I would thought I would hate and that I loved doing. Also I have learned that I can do far more different things than I thought I could.
A while ago Rob Crispijn asked me if I would want to draw a comic. He was going to write the scenario’s and it would be published in a small Buddhist magazine. I never had much fun drawing comics and the last one I did must be 15 years ago. But I said yes and tried to ignore all the voices in my head that said that my drawings are lousy. They are lousy, when I compare them with what Pieter Dorrenboom, Willem Vleeschouwer or my brother do, but that is not the point: Rob asked me and all I can do is my best. This is the result of the first episode:
The comic is about the ego and Buddhism, of course. I have a slightly different look on all this than what is taught in Buddhism; there is simply too much Buddhism. The basic ideas are great, but for me there are too many ideas and theories and phantasies being attached to the basic ideas. But maybe the problem is just my big ego.
Here is today’s soundtrack, a song that I picked up from the 365 days blog, by Bob&Zip:

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