Friday, 6 March 2009
Jack died two days ago. Well, he jumped in front of a train actually. We received the message today.
I knew Jack a long time. But we didn’t see each other very often. Early last year he first told me about his drinking problems. I told him I didn’t want to be a psychiatrist or a social helper, I just want to be a friend. We decided to meet for a dinner every now and then and to think up some projects to do together. Apart from exchanging music, that was what our contact was all about from the beginning. We had good times together, and I liked Jack.
In November 2008 he called me late one night to tell me that he was doing very bad and that he didn’t want to go on like that. After talking to him for a while I figured that he was not about to commit suicide right away. So I promised him to be there early next morning and to go and visit a doctor with him. That was not a success.
Over the next weeks we exchanged what we named a ”Daily mail” and slowly I learned that he was doing worse than he told me. I told him several times that he needed to find serious help. I am sure that other people have told him the same, but he refused to do it.
When I didn’t receive his daily mail for a few days last week, I began to worry. On March 2nd he wrote me a rather cryptic message: ”I have been far away, but in my own home” I asked him what he meant, but got no answer. Today we got a printed letter from his family to inform us about his death.
That he had jumped in front of a train, we found out through a neighbour.
It is not the first time that somebody that I know commits suicide. I know that people who try to kill themselves are very desperate. But it is so ugly and stupid. I don’t want to go in details about Jack here and now. He can’t read it, so what’s the use.
I wanted to pick a random song from one of his many cassettes, but in cases like this there is no such thing as randomness. So I don’t pick any song at all.
Love everybody you know and tell them that you do!!!